The doting father/uncle/God-father Whilst I wouldn’t criticise a man for liking his own offspring there is a time and a place for discussion on the subject – and an online dating site is neither of them.He’s also the guy who has pictures of dogs, landscapes, random inspirational quotes and a turtle he saw on the beach last summer in Tenerife.

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The desperado The Desperado is in his forties and can be most often found with a beaded brow, having recently registered that he is the only one out of all of his friends not to be married yet.

The desperado wants a girlfriend and wants one now.

The type of man who doesn’t have the mental capacity to distinguish between and red tube. Instead preferring to litter his messages with sexual innuendoes and ‘hilarious’ comments about melons - the Benny Hill of online dating.

Expect to be called babe, darling, sexy and hot lips in the first email – brave enough to give him your number?

The blatant liar The blatant liar uses online dating to live out his fantasy of being someone who he, most definitely, is not.

Height goes up, age comes down, the photos are old and trust me when I say, anyone who is earning over 100k does not advertise the fact on

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